IN> Sun Wukong

[William Keith]

      Do not piss on the Buddha's hand.

      Sun Wukong has learned many lessons in his long life.  This one, 
he assures questioners, is one of the most important.  It's not so much 
that Buddha will get mad at you.  He doesn't do that.

      The *Universe* gets mad at you.

      Sun Wukong was perfectly happy in the Chinese pantheon.  Sure, 
there were other monkey gods out there, trickster gods mostly, that was 
fine, monkeys were like that.  Hanuman, the Hindu, swell guy.  Those 
little fellows from that other continent group, charming lot.  And if 
he played a few pranks every now and then, that was part of the Image, 
right?  So one night he hears a missionary in his kingdom preaching 
about how life is struggle and the material world isn't all that great, 
and all are one and the cycle of reincarnation can be transcended, and 
generally spouting the propaganda of that monotheist prick over in the 
Egypt area, and he decides to rob the guy blind and send him home naked 
for a lesson to his people not to sell that line around China.

      First night, he takes the guy's scriptures, but apparently he has 
them memorized and he keeps preaching.  Next night he takes the guy's 
walking staff, but he doesn't need it all that much.  Next night, he 
takes the guy's begging bowl, and he just starts begging for food.  
Next night, he takes the guy's shoes, and he's still kind of proud of 
that one since the dude was wearing them at the time.  Next night, he's 
about to take the guy's robe, and he could have done it too, when a bit 
of strangled Disturbance sounds and there's this higher-up sitting next 
to the fellow, sound asleep.  Must have been a god or an archangel or 
something.  Sun Wukong never got a clear look at him in the night 
shadows, despite the conversation they had.  Well, conversation of a 
sort.  There were words, mostly about how a pantheon that couldn't get 
past one god must not be very imaginative, and Sun Wukong could dance 
circles around him and steal all *his* stuff too, when his conversation 
partner laughs the most disturbing laugh and said that no matter how 
far he jumped he wasn't going to be dancing around the borders of his 
god's realm.  Sun Wukong, who was a few miles from one of his own 
Tethers at the time, asked if they were standing on the fellow's god's 
soil right now, and he replied, yes, they were.

      Sun Wukong unbuttoned and let the guy know what he thought of his 
god's dominions.  He made sure to splash.

      The fellow flicked a few drops off of his hand, smiled, and said 
it was an eloquent rebuttal and would doubtless make an amusing story.  
Sun Wukong agreed, took the preacher's robe a bit less elegantly than 
he'd intended, and ascended back home.  He did get a few laughs out of 
retelling it.

      Funny thing was, the story got retold.  And it grew, as such 
things do.  Not that he minded at first.  Another legend always helped 
the Essence flow.  But one day he noticed that there was rather a lot 
of Essence flowing his way through this story, which was odd because it 
wasn't exactly central to his myths, and when he traced back he 
realized that it was coming from Buddhists, because he was part of a 
Buddha legend now.  That wasn't in the plan, because Buddhism didn't do 
Ethereals, and Ethereals that went Buddhist turned into Heaven-chow, or 
something.  Sun Wukong had no intention of vanishing in a puff of 
monotheism.  He took the stuff he had stolen from the missionary and 
went looking for him.  He found a priest -- Chinese, the little traitor 
-- who was, indeed, looking for the guy's fairly valuable scriptures, 
and demanded that the man's gods rectify his impending disbandment for 
their return.

      You know the one about not making deals with Hell?  Lesson the 
second.  Heaven's aren't any easier.

      Sun Wukong got his wish.  He doesn't know how, but a few rituals 
later he found himself projected to the top of a Heavenly Tether.  
There was a god of lightning, a god of books (who took the scriptures 
back), and a stunningly gorgeous goddess who he is entirely willing to 
believe was in fact Guanyin, the Buddha of compassion, and with that 
admission he was about to fade permanently into Buddhism and enjoy the 
trip, when the lightning god gave the priest some sort of headband that 
he put on Sun Wukong's Vessel.  It wormed its way into his 
Force-configuration, and it stuck.  And it *hurt*.  And if Sun Wukong 
ever takes it off, he knows he's going to vanish like a match flame in 
a hurricane, because he's the only Ethereal that ever became divine and 
survived the trip to tell about it.

      So he's not part of the Chinese pantheon exactly.  He used to be, 
but now he's a little Buddhist, and maybe a little Hindu, but mostly he 
was able to sit out the Purity Crusade -- and afterwards, since even 
the Tsayadim have decided he's to be left alone -- in safe neutrality.  
Also, in possession of his full Forces, his Riyu Jingu Bang, his 
cloud-walking boots, his chain mail and his phoenix-feather cap.  He 
doesn't get the Essence he used to -- he doesn't get *any* Essence, 
actually, except his daily personal regeneration, but somehow he 
doesn't fade either.  This leaves him remarkably powerful as the old 
gods go, with enough Forces and personal relics to take on even some 
pretty strong demons.  Being decently safe and entirely without need of 
worshipers, he's pretty much at loose ends to amuse himself as the 
world turns.  He's recently taken to a Role as a Chinese primatologist 
studying New World monkeys in Peru, but he's been a lot of things over 
the years.  Heaven does seem to be able to find him whenever they need 
him, or at least his relics.  Which, he has to admit, are pretty nice.  
And apparently part of his Image now, so he comes with them.  That 
means he's on the front lines against Hell every so often, which he 
simply has to deal with.

-----

      Sun Wukong is extremely powerful as Ethereals go: old, in 
possession of several mighty relics which can be temporarily loaned, 
high in Forces and quite intelligent and dextrous.  He loves to play 
pranks and practical jokes, and can be found almost anywhere in the 
world.  He has few personal needs but can be persuaded to join a 
mission he thinks will be interesting, or to handle something that 
threatens a personal project or a human he currently cares about.  He 
has fond memories of Raphael, even if he only saw her for a moment, and 
is willing to assist ex-Knowledge angels or something that might 
further their goals.  He can also be lashed into service by an angel 
who knows the Angelic phrase that causes his now-invisible headband to 
cause him suffering, but this is, naturally a last resort in case he 
becomes a threat.  (Short of a more complex command set that causes the 
headband to cease functioning, dropping the barriers between him and 
absorption into Heaven's Essence flow.)

William